my name is bowtie nebula and i'm the last line of defense against further pepsi-based aggression
in the 1980's the uslurper beverage made a deal with the devil in order to fight off coca cola and try to win american hearts.
pepsi intervened into international affairs and foolishly tried to prove that capitalism was a good system of governance.
they thought that they could somehow prove that capitalism was superior to communism if they russia liked them and for some reason Russia did
so then russia loved pepsi for some reason
they traded shitloads of vodka for shitloads of pepsi
but then the value of vodka tanked and the value of pepsi went up i guess
so russia was like 'hey how are we going to pay for all of this pepsi?'
so they did what any country would do in desperate times
they traded pepsi a fleet of SUBMARINES for a whole lot of the beverage
they gave pepsi an entire navys worth of boats
a destroyer
a cruiser
a frigate
and 17 SUBMARINES
The whole fleet was traded for 3 billion dollars worth of pepsi
at the time it made pepsi the 6th most powerful military in the world
they say that they sold the fleet to a sweedish company for recycled scrap
don't believe sweden's lies
don't believe pepsi's vile popaganda
they kept their navy and have been secretly amassing power
they've disguised their ships and insignias but the ships know their true allegiances
pepsi ships have been spotted among navies internationally
in the gulf of mexico
off cape horn
off of saint petersberg
in lake huron
in the english chanel
join me!
only together can we stop the rise of pepsi's naval supremacy
and prevent the baja blast that could kick off world war 3